Fairy Tale Gone Bad
by rissydoll
Summary: It's like a fairy tale, but it goes bad.  Oh, and Xemnas is GOD!  [Mentioned AkuMaru, SephirothSquall, Roxora, Zeximé, and onesided Demiku, XaldinKairi and Kairiku]


**So, um, I revised it. I had thought this up a while ago, decided to add names and whatnot, and post it up here. So yeah, here you go.**

**Warnings:**** AU, shonen-ai, and oh-so-very obvious cannibalism.**

**Disclaimer:**** Standard disclaimer applies.**

**Summary:**** It's like a fairy tale, but it goes bad. In which Kairi is a princess, Naminé and Zexion are 'witches', Demyx is in love with a frog, Marluxia, Sephiroth and Xigbar are kings, Xaldin and Riku are 'once-princes,' Marluxia is married to Axel, Sephiroth is married to Squall, Xemnas is thought to be a God, and Roxas and Sora are just poor, innocent bystanders.**

**x.x.x**

_**Fairy Tale Gone Bad**_

Once upon a time there was a beautiful young princess named Kairi. She lived in a castle in the Kingdom Hearts with her father, King Marluxia. Their castle was very far away from the town over which they ruled, so she didn't have much contact with the townsfolk, except for when she snuck out. If you're wondering where Kairi's mother is, she's dead. After she died, Marluxia found out he was gay, and now Kairi has two fathers: Marluxia and Axel. Anyways, the three of them lived very happily, just them and their servants. That's what Kairi thought, anyway. She was surprised when one day her fathers called her into their room to talk with her.

"Kairi, sweetheart," Marluxia began. "Axel and I have something to tell you."

Kairi was very confused as to what her parents could want. So she asked.

"Your Daddy and I want you to go out and find a husband in the neighboring kingdom of Jenova, dear," Axel replied. Kairi was shocked, to say the least, but set off to find herself a husband anyway.

**x.x.x**

**(In a neighboring kingdom **_**[The Kingdom That Never Was **_**a few weeks earlier…)**

Xaldin was bored. Very, very bored. So he decided to play his video games until his father, King Xigbar, called him down for supper. He was right in the middle of a big boss battle when his father called for him. He figured it was just to eat, so he paused the game, walked out of his room, and made his way to the dining room.

"Good evening, father."

"Xaldin! Just the boy I wanted to see! Listen, I just realized that you are eighteen years old. You've come of age, m'boy!"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with supper?"

"Supper? Who said anything about supper!? I'm talking about you getting a wife, boy! I want you to go to the neighboring kingdom, Kingdom Hearts, and ask King Marluxia for Princess Kairi's hand in marriage. D'ya think you can do that, kiddo?"

Xaldin sighed. "Yes father, I can. I'll go after I finish the boss battle on my game."

"No, you'll go now!" And with that, Xigbar pushed Xaldin out the door and into the real world. …Damn…

**x.x.x**

**(In another neighboring kingdom **_**[Jenova Kingdom**_** around the same time Xaldin was sent out…)**

Prince Riku and his three brothers, Prince Loz, Prince Yazoo and Prince Kadaj, were eating supper with their fathers, King Sephiroth and King Squall. Anyway, they were just sitting there, eating and minding their own business, when suddenly Sephiroth and Squall looked up and directly at Riku.

"Son," Sephiroth began. "It's time you found yourself a wife."

Riku choked on his food. "W-what!"

"You're eighteen now," Squall said. "You are of age, and Sephy and I have decided that, since you are eighteen, you need to find yourself a woman."

"B-but, Dad!"

"No 'buts,' we've both come to this conclusion. Besides, you need to put up a good example for your younger brothers," Sephiroth retorted. "Now, since you are finished eating, go to Kingdom Hearts and ask King Marluxia for Princess Kairi's hand in marriage. And _try_ not to be rude, because you surely will not get it then."

"B-but… O-oh fine. Yes, father."

And out the door Riku went, his three younger siblings laughing at him the entire time.

**x.x.x**

_**(Back to Prince Xaldin…)**_

He was on his way to Kingdom Hearts. He was on his way, he was on his way… He was bored. Damn… What to do, what to do, oh! A pond. Perfect, he'd go throw rocks in that. So, he was just standing there and throwing rocks in the pond when he heard some odd laughter. He looked around and saw no one, so he went back to throwing rocks in the pond. He heard the laughter again, and this time it creeped him out, so he yelled.

"Wh-who's there!?"

"Silly little prince, why do you throw rocks in our pond?"

"…Because I'm bored. And who said this was **your** pond, anyway?"

"It's our pond because we built it, and since you defile it, we shall curse you!"

"…Who the hell are you, anyway?"

"Everyone asks that! Goodness, nosey people." Sigh. "Well, we suppose we can show ourselves."

A young girl, around the age of sixteen, came out from behind the tree he had been glaring at. She had blonde hair and blue eyes, and she was wearing a white dress and carrying a sketch pad. She was also shoeless. That's right, no footwear.

A boy, around the same age as the girl, also mysteriously appeared next to her. He had bluish-silver hair. Not only that, but his damn bangs covered his right eye! He was wearing this black cloak-type…thing. He also had no footwear. And he was glaring at Xaldin.

Xaldin gave them a funny look.

"Are you crazy, little kids? You couldn't have made this pond."

Without looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "We can, and we did. For defiling our pond I shall put a spell on you. The only way to break said spell will to be kissed by a beautiful princess."

With that said, she showed him what she had drawn, and as he gazed upon the picture, he slowly transformed into a frog.

'_Oh dear Xemnas, this can't be happening. I knew I should have stayed home…'_

**x.x.x**

_**(Back with Prince Riku…)**_

He was kicking rocks. It was, like, the only thing he could do because he was so bored. And he was tired. He looked up from his rock-kicking and spotted a pond. _'I can sleep there!'_ So he ran toward the pond. When he got there he saw a frog, and it was talking to him.

"Don't do it, kid. Don't go near that pond, I swear to Xemnas, you'll get transformed. She'll curse you, kid, curse you!"

Riku decided that he was going crazy, because frogs can't talk, of course. So he kept walking toward the pond. When he got there he flopped himself down next to the shore and tried to sleep. But some creepy laughter was keeping him awake.

"Shut up," he whined. "I'm tired!"

The laughter continued, so he opened his eyes and came face to face with blue eyes. He sat up and looked at her properly, and saw that she had blonde hair, was wearing a white dress, had no shoes on, and was carrying a sketch pad.

"Are you, by any chance, Princess Kairi of Kingdom Hearts?"

The girl grinned wickedly. "No, Prince Riku, I'm not. My name is Naminé, and this," she motioned to the bluish-haired boy on her right, "Is Zexion, my beloved. We built this pond. I don't seem to recall you asking us if you could rest here."

"That's because I didn't."

"Well, that's too bad. I'll have to curse you now."

"You'll have to **what**?"

She had begun drawing, and Zexion answered. "Curse you. Cast a spell, you know. The usual stuff."

"Just because I didn't ask if I could rest here?"

"Correct. Also because you are very selfish. Now, if you would just ask…"

Riku snorted in a very un-prince-like way. "Not a chance."

Naminé and Zexion frowned. "Fine then." Naminé turned her drawing toward Riku, and he just stared at it. By the time he looked away, he realized that he had been turned into a frog. He looked over and saw the frog from earlier hopping toward him.

"I told you so, kid. Now you're stuck until a princess kisses you."

Riku glared angrily. **(A/N: Just imagine, a glaring Riku-frog… It makes me giggle.)**

"What in Xemnas' name did I do to deserve this!" he yelled.

**x.x.x**

_**(Back with Princess Kairi…)**_

She was walking through the woods to the Jenova Kingdom, as her fathers had told her to do, to find herself a husband. She was very tired, but she would not rest until she got there! She was a good girl, and she would never go against the wishes of her fathers. She saw a beautiful pond, and thought about stopping to rest and take a drink. But she missed her fathers dearly, and wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, so she walked right by.

As she walked by, she caught sight of two frogs. One of them was ugly, but the other one was really cute! Or, well, as cute as frogs could get, anyway. The ugly one hopped up to her, and began talking.

"Dearest princess, I was once a young prince named Xaldin. Kiss me and I will turn back to my normal state."

The princess sneered at the frog and kicked him back toward the pond. The cute frog followed the ugly frog that was once 'Prince Xaldin' back to the pond, and Princess Kairi continued on her way.

When she was about half way to Jenova Kingdom, the cute frog hopped up to her and began to talk.

"Hello, young princess! I was once the handsome young prince from Jenova Kingdom that went by the name of Riku. I was on my way to the Kingdom Hearts to find a wife, as was the wish of my fathers, King Sephiroth and King Squall. While walking through these woods, I happened across a beautiful, blonde haired witch named Naminé, and her beloved, a bluish-silver haired wizard named Zexion. Zexion said that I was selfish, and that I should not have taken a rest at their pond without asking. Naminé then turned me into a frog, and told me that the only way I could return to my normal state was if I was kissed by a young princess, and that is what you are. Kiss me, and I shall return to normal, take you to my kingdom and marry you."

Now, young Princess Kairi thought long and hard about this. …Well, okay, she didn't think very long, but she though pretty hard. She decided that she didn't want to spend the rest of her life in Jenova Kingdom, away from her fathers. She also decided that if the witch Naminé turned prince Riku into a frog, he must have been a bad person. So she did not, in fact, kiss the frog and turn him back to normal. Instead, she killed the frog and had frog legs for dinner that night.

As she was eating the frog legs, a blonde haired blue eyed boy came by and saw what Princess Kairi had done to his beloved Prince Riku. He decided to be polite, though, and _make sure_ it was his Riku she was eating, and not that nasty Prince Xaldin, so he engaged her in conversation.

"Hello young lady! My name is Demyx, and I am a citizen of the Jenova Kingdom. Who might you be?"

"Hello Demyx. I am Princess Kairi of Kingdom Hearts, and I was sent out by my fathers, King Marluxia and King Axel, to find a husband in Jenova Kingdom. On my way through these woods, I happened across two frogs. One was very ugly, and once was somewhat cute. They both wanted me to kiss them and return them to their normal state of being princes. They ugly frog's name was Xaldin, and I didn't like him so I kicked him away. The cute one, whose name was Riku, followed me this far, told me his life story, and asked me to kiss him. I figured if the witch Naminé and her wizard Zexion changed him into a frog, he must have been pretty bad. So I killed him and am dining on his legs."

Demyx was enraged, and went wild, for he had been in love with Prince Riku. He attacked Princess Kairi, clawing at her face and pulling at her hair, but it was of no use. She just kept yelling that he was an idiot, and that it was just a stupid talking frog. This angered Demyx even more, and so he took drastic measures.

**x.x.x**

_**(Somewhere in The Kingdom That Never Was…)**_

Two boys with blue eyes were getting ready to go out. One had sandy blonde hair and one had pretty brown hair. The blonde looked at the brunette and smiled.

"Are you ready to go for our nightly walk through the woods, Sora?"

Sora smiled sweetly back at the blonde. "Almost, Roxas. I just need to grab some munny so we can stop at a diner to eat before we enter the woods."

Roxas nodded, and after Sora grabbed the munny they both headed out. They stopped at Scrooge's Diner, ate some vegetable soup, and then headed out to the woods.

**x.x.x**

_**(Back with Demyx…)**_

Demyx was sitting by the fire that the dearest Princess Kairi had been so nice to make for him. He was just enjoying his meal, like any normal person would, when two blue eyed boys happened across him. They looked around and noticed he had a small dagger covered in blood sitting next to him, and they couldn't find any animal fur. It was odd, because they believed that if he was eating meat, he wouldn't eat it with the fur still on it. So they decided to question him about it.

"Excuse us, kind sir," Roxas said. Demyx looked up inquisitively.

"Yes, um, we were just wondering something. We noticed you were eating meat, but we can't find any animal fur around. And we were just wondering where it was," Sora said.

Demyx smiled widely. "The young girl ate my beloved prince, so I returned the favor."

Sora's eyes went wide and he puked behind a bush, while Roxas began to hyperventilate. When Sora finished puking, he grabbed Roxas' arm.

"We're terribly sorry, Sir, but we simply _must_ be going now. I don't mean to be rude, but good bye!" With that, Sora pulled Roxas away, deeper into the woods and away from the crazy cannibal. Demyx never saw them again, but he lived in the woods, as happily as he could without his beloved prince.

**x.x.x**

**Once again, it was changed. There was only a few minor changes, and I added a character. He didn't play a very big part, but he's there! . Hope you still like it.**

**Review please! …Pretty please?**

**-Miss ''Rissa**


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